Antipo logo Antipo

Porches are not a lifestyle. They are a platform with chairs.

Antipo: proudly against porches since roughly lunch.

We are a completely unnecessary, deeply overconfident citizens’ group opposing house porches, porch culture, porch furniture, and the phrase “come sit a spell.”

Join the Non-Movement Read the Slogans
“The porch is a lie.” Finally, architecture propaganda gets called out.
“Mark is a butt.” Unrelated? Maybe. Necessary? Antipo thinks so.
“Big Mike for President.” A platform built on having no platform out front.
The Porch Is a Lie Mark Is a Butt Big Mike for President No Step Too Far Decks Are Gateway Porches Railings Enable Loitering Shade Is How They Get You Ban the Chair Triangle

The manifesto

Our porch-free principles

Antipo believes the front of a house should be honest: wall, door, maybe a tasteful bush. Not a raised wooden stage for lukewarm lemonade negotiations.

A crossed-out rocking chair icon

No Decorative Sitting

If a chair lives outside full-time, that chair has made choices.

A crossed-out porch railing icon

Railings Raise Questions

What are they containing? Opinions? Wind chimes? A casserole economy?

A crossed-out porch roof icon

Overhangs Overreach

First shade. Then columns. Then suddenly someone owns seasonal pillows.

Extremely selective evidence

The case against porches

87%of porches are just decks wearing formal shoes.
12minutes until someone says “nice evening.”
0scientists asked to verify any of this.
Antipo poster reading Porch? Absolutely Not. Antipo poster reading Keep Homes Flat-Fronted. Antipo poster reading Suspiciously Cozy Architecture.

Membership

Join Antipo

Membership benefits include a printable badge, a stern nod at porch-heavy neighborhoods, and the legal right to mutter “structural nonsense” under your breath.